Sometimes your dad gets very angry all of a sudden, says mean things, or won’t talk to you. He will do this even if you haven’t done anything wrong. When he does, it’s because he suddenly feels ashamed of himself for no reason. Remember that his anger is not your fault. Your dad’s sickness sometimes makes him act selfishly because his brain thinks that everyone feels the Born in Yugoslavia shirt moreover I will buy this way he does. So, if he doesn’t call or visit, forgets about your games, or does something that makes you sad, it’s not your fault. It’s because if he doesn’t feel sad, then he thinks you don’t feel sad. Your dad may expect too much from you, like wanting you to take care of him, but that’s not your job and you don’t have to worry about him or his feelings. It’s his job to worry about you and your feelings, even if he’s not so good at it. Your dad may tell you something – or just give you a look – that will make you feel bad about yourself. It’s not about you. His sickness makes him think silly little things you do or say are worse than they really are. If he does this, remember that his brain exaggerates others’ mistakes and ignores their good qualities. Your dad’s brain also makes him feel very jealous of others, so if you do something really awesome, he may put it down or ignore you. Know that he does this because he wishes he was getting lots of attention for doing something awesome. No matter what, stay proud of yourself. It makes your dad feel good about himself to make lots of promises, and he wishes he could do the things he says he will. If he makes promises to you, like taking you to Disneyworld or buying you a pony, understand that they are just wishes. They will only come true in his imagination. Obviously, if your children are older, you can be more direct and sophisticated. As long as you’re not denigrating their father but just explaining his mental disorder, you’re not being abusive to your kids. In fact, you’re saving them from being damaged by his abuse and giving them some good coping tools. After the labours, hard enough for the mother but obviously much harder for the baby, a new human being is absolutely helpless. It is exposed to the outward world, sometimes arid, sometimes cold, full of awful noises and of crazy colours. At the beginning, the baby, crushed by the gravitation, cannot make a movement.
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Over the Born in Yugoslavia shirt moreover I will buy this first months of life, the baby will painfully learn to move its limbs. It will pass through the awful pain of colic (when the stomach learns how to work) and of growing teeth. This pain is very hard to sustain because the baby does not expect it and does not know its reason. People who watched babies learning to control their body, to crawl, to stand up, to climb, cannot help being impressed by their patience, perseverance and optimism. Yes, incredible optimism and cheerfulness. When my daughter was one year old, I felt that with one-tenth of her perseverance, I’d be a Nobel Prize winner and an Olympic champion. Now, what to say about the relations with adults? Toddlers are absolutely upon the mercy of the grown-ups. Even in the best of cases, when the baby is brought up by parents who are loving, caring, attentive and having enough time for their baby, it is still next to impossible to explain these stupid adults even the most simple things. Would you like to be a helpless being brought up by two enormous dinosaurs, who, while well-intentioned, often do not understand your needs, misinterpret what you are trying to say and can hurt you just by accident, being too big? Okay, finally the baby starts to speak a language in order to explain things. But even then his life is subjected to the blatant dictatorship of the adults that no normal grown-ups would like to experience themselves. This is why we don’t remember our first years. It is too horrible to remember. Had we remembered everything since our birth, we would have a different perspective on many things in life. This is why we easily feel happy when we are children. Because without this incredible capacity, first years of life would have been a never-ending despair. Now, atheists do teach their children about religions. We don’t deny the existence of religions. They are real and out there and, unless we raise our children in complete isolation, eventually the kids would find out that there are people who worship supernatural entities, so we don’t hide the existence of religions. For him gods are in the same category as unicorns, dragons and other mythical creatures and not because of indoctrination from us but because his main contact with gods is in fantasy videogames and stories about Greek mythology.